Training your parents - Lesson # 2

Lesson Two - Eating Patterns

It is vital not to let your parentals slip into any sort of comfort zone as far as your eating patterns go.
Your job is to keep them on their toes and on edge.
Any sort of stability and sense or routine or well being means that you are failing dismally in your duty.
Your job is to create uncertainty at every level.

Eating patterns are an easy area to accomplish this in.

The trick is to veer between extremes.

Week One
Eat and drink absolutely nothing.
Try not to poop as well.
Sleep fitfully, or better yet, not at all (this can be accomplished by napping secretly during the day)
Timing is everything.
After about five days the parentals will start arguing between themselves, stressed by the thought of you evaporating, or at least growing up looking like a twig.
By day seven they will have booked a doctors visit.
So you want to stop on day six, just before the doctors visit.
A doctors visit will result in foul tasting medication being added to your routine.
Time this well.

Week Two
Gouge yourself on everything.
Kill every bottle like you are chugging in a down-down competition
Devour every bit of food.
Snack on everything in sight.
Eat, swallow, vomit, poop, gobble, devour, dribble, regurgitate and basically make a pig of yourself.
This will lull them into a false sense of security.
It will really mess with their heads.
If you are lucky, one of the parents will tell the other "I told you so" - and that will set them off again.

Keep alternating the above.

Good luck with your training.